Why do we feel we need to punish ourselves? We feel worthless within ourselves. I learn that word, punish, from the catholic school I attended. I didn’t hear it at my home because what was said instead was, 'I am going to beat the hell out of you.' we definitely knew what the word, hell, meant, 'RUN!'
Definition of Punish: to subject: Pain, treat people unfairly, treat somebody roughly, paying for a crime. Confinement, loss, imprisonment.
There are crimes that deserve punishment and we need to stand up for the innocents that suffered the consequences.
There are people who punish themselves and I see it all the time with my own students. They feel they deserve to be punished and I disagree with that. They choose to live miserable lives. They feel that they are always the victim. There are those that look for pity. These people punish themselves so much that they don't allow themselves to grow and wake up. Come on now, why put yourselves there? Where is your self-respect?
Where are those that punish themselves because they really believe they should be punished? I have something to say to you all: stop doing that! It is not healthy for you or the people around you. That is not why we are all here, we must learn from our mistakes and continue to make things better within our own lives. Yes, shit happens and we do it to ourselves but you must find a place where you can forgive yourselves and go on.
Carrying guilt is not doing you any good; deal with it, face it, and let it go. We punish ourselves for the most simplest things, why? Now, if you committed a horrible crime then yes you should pay for that crime.
If you're punishing yourselves for making mistakes like hurting someone
Having an affair
Treating someone cruel
Blaming someone else for your mistakes
Making someone feel less
Treating your parents wrong
Having an argument with someone before they passed away
Fighting for your beliefs
Not loving someone who loves you
Feeling you’re not sufficient
Feeling you’re not smart enough
Feeling you’re not pretty enough
Feeling you’re too fat or too skinny
Feeling that other people are better than you
Feeling mistreated by others
Allowing people to make fun of you in a negative way
Calling yourself stupid
Being afraid of being yourself
Running away from your problems and responsibilities
Not being beautiful enough
There is so much more that I'm sure you can think of. These things keep you imprisoned. You have chooses, you can escape. Other people don't have that choice because they have no place to go. They just see the four walls that they are in, no escape. You don’t have to be inside those four walls because you have a choice and you can escape from your imprisonment.
Carrying these baggages keeps you lost and imprisoned. You allow yourselves to feel guilty and that keeps you where you are at this point of your life. One of my students gave me permission to share this story with you. Hopefully, it could help you or someone else understand that we do carry guilt inside of us.
She was 25 years old and at the time she lived with her mother. One Saturday night she decided to go out clubbing with her friends She realized her mother wasn’t feeling well and decided to stay home instead but her mother insisted she go out and enjoy herself. She told her daughter not to worry because she would be fine. My student still didn't want to leave her alone but her mother kept telling her not to worry. So she went out with her friends and called her mother later in the night to see how she was doing; her mother told her she was fine and that she was going to bed. They both said I love you to each other and hanged up.
About two hours later, she gets home and goes to her mother's room to kiss her good night but she notices that her mother's skin was cold. She tried to wake her up but soon realized that her mother had past away. She was devastated; she laid there with her for about two to three hours. She wasn’t quite sure how long but to her it seemed like an eternity. Her life was never the same after that; she pushed away from everyone and just closed her doors. She was in this state until I met her, at that time she was 33 years old.
She carried all that guilt for all those years. I felt so sorry for her because she allowed herself to feel that way all that time. She carried so much anger and hatred within herself. The more she shared her story with me, the more I just wanted to hold her and tell her everything was going to be fine. I told her that the first thing she needed to do was realize that it wasn’t her fault; that was the way it was meant to be. She looked at me like I was crazy and asked me if I was serious. I replied, 'of course!'
She had to accept the fact that as horrible as it was for her there wasn’t anything she could have done. That’s the way it was meant to be and she had no control over it, no matter how much she thought she could of done. That was her mother's time and she could go over all the ways she could have tried to save her but it was not going to bring her mother back. I shared all of this with my student and I asked her, 'do you think that she would have wanted you to live this life filled with anger and guilt? Get it together and stop thinking you’re the victim here, for no one is. Fucked up things happen and it either breaks us or makes us stronger. You took the easy way out and you let it break you.'
Well, the reaction on her face was a, 'I am going to get up from here and knock this bitch out,' type of reaction. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. All she kept asking me was, 'are you for real?' I replied, 'I am as real as it gets.' Though she found herself wanting to leave, she couldn’t because somewhere inside of her she knew that what I was telling her was the truth. Later on, as she progressed with her growth, she admitted to me that she hated me for talking to her the way I did and that I showed no pity for her at all. She mentioned how shocked she was to hear what I said and she felt she was being yelled at for not doing what she supposed to be doing with her life. She tells me how happy she is now even though she wanted to kick my ass at that time.
We do more harm to ourselves than anyone else and we continue doing it. Then when someone does it to us we get mad at them, but if you allowed yourself to be punished than people are going to do the same to you. How you see yourself is what people see. People can see you just as you can see them; no one fools anyone at all, you think you do but you really don't. You are only fooling and lying to yourself. That is a waste of time especially when these are the times you need to get it together and follow your journey; learn and grow up.
There is not a person in this world that hasn't fucked up, I know I have. We learn from our mistake because those are lessons. We need to forgive whatever it is that was holding us back. Is it easy? No, but it is not that hard either. I know I don’t like to be imprisoned so I let it go at the moment. I do make mistakes though they might be small. Most importantly, make sure that you don’t make the same mistake over and over for if you do then there is a big problem there. There is no excuse; it's not about what you have done, it's about what you do with it. How do you deal with it and make it work for yourself? By learning your lessons. So lets go and do what we need to do to set ourselves free from that prison that we hold onto. Lets unlock those chins and go by taking small steps. Is it possible? Yes, it is possible; start believing in yourself first.
You have the power to make that difference and change for the better. It's not about whether people use you or not, it’s about learning your limitations. Give yourself that chance to grow into who you were supposed to be in the first place. Don’t hold onto anger, pain, or hatred. It keeps you in the dark; allow yourself to go into the light where you can feel happiness, joy, and peace. There are too many people in this world already in the dark, don’t be one of them.
IT’S NOT WORTH IT! EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT THINK IT IS. YOU'LL REALIZE SOONER OR LATER THAT IT IS NOT. JUST DON’T WAIT UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE. SET YOURSELVES FREE FROM THAT PRISON AND THE PUNISHMENT THAT HOLDS YOU THERE! DON’T EVER THINK YOU REALLY DESERVE THAT KIND OF LIFE .
BECAUSE YOU DON’T!!! YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!