WONDER Part 2

WONDER

We all choose our way and when we do we wonder if we picked

the right road. Some of us hope that we did because if we don’t we question it. Does that mean that we chose the road incorrectly and that the things we go through serve no purpose?

There is always something within us that tells us something is just not right. We might wonder what it is but still we are not sure.

Something happens within us that we can’t explain to anyone or even to ourselves.

We feel that we are missing something but we don't quite know yet what we are missing; we just know that there is something. Many people run from it, they hide from it, and they don’t want to deal with it; while other people drink their way through it or use drugs.

They allow their ego and pride to get in the way. No one wants to take a chance to learn or grow, they just live in their own world; I call these people sleepers.

These people wander through earth not allowing themselves to grow. They continue to close their eyes to what is in front of them because they choose to live that way and ignore their surroundings.

This is everyone’s choice in life but it’s sad that they choose not to be happy within themselves or realize that there is more to life than what they might think.

No matter what we see or feel life will always test us and pull us in many directions. You and only you have the power to follow the direction you choose. Some of us will follow the wrong path for so many reasons, while others will follow the direction that is right.

Both of these people will either learn and grow from the directions they chose or just stand still. Will they get it or just wonder as they have done all their life?

Why can’t I see clearly and wipe away my pain and my hurt from the darkness? The light tries to shine on me I just don’t allow it for whatever purpose. I just continue punishing myself. I continue feeling worthless and in many ways I am wondering where I went wrong with myself.

I wonder everyday and I can’t stop asking questions as I look in every area to see if I can find the answer.

I walk to places that offer the answer but there is always a price and I know that I don’t have it.

Why do answers cost? What happened to it being free? Are they teaching me or taking my money for their benefit? I wonder where I can find the answer. Why does it have to be so complicated?

Perhaps you do it to yourself. Maybe you’re not looking in the right place.

Fly, see the world.

Fly, see the world’s sadness.

People suffering, crying, wanting answers and yet not receiving them.

Fly, see the world trying to handle their problems and find solutions.

So much tragedy and we wonder what waits for us.

How worse will it be? It’s just the beginning of what’s to come.

Every flower dies while new ones grow to give new beauty differently. Seeing it brings wonders and as it blossoms it shows the new beginning of the flower. As you stare at it, it puts you in a trance. How great is that?

Look towards you
Walk towards you
Hear towards you
Lead towards you
Find towards you

Answer towards you

Choose towards you
Run towards you
See towards you
Build towards you
Face towards you

 

By just acknowledging the mirror

Guru Enlightment

WONDER

In life sometimes we wonder which direction we should follow. Sometimes I find myself not sure of what I feel within. I feel the distance from everything and everyone. I also feel insecure and not confident. It's hard to believe in anything or anyone at times because I'm not sure of what I do believe in. I walk and walk around looking and searching for answers but I don't come up with one. I keep these feelings inside because I'm afraid of how people will see me; the true me, unsure.

I wonder and wonder and the more I wonder the more angry I get and the more confused I feel. What is it with me that I can’t seem to see the answers? What is it that holds me back instead of letting it go? What is wrong with me? I cannot get it together. Everyday I wake up hoping it will be a better day and at times I feel it will be but other times it's not enough to make me feel complete. Where do I search?

Everyone is looking for answers. You're not alone, you think you are but you’re not. Everybody wants answers but I really didn't try hard enough to find the answers. I kept looking in every direction and listening to everyone's words but still I wasn't content.

You see, you don't need to believe in anything or anyone except yourself because those answers are inside of you. You are afraid to see it because you feel that it would take too much of your time to look at yourself and find those answer you’ve been searching for. You have issues and you need to find the solutions for them.

Your issues did not start today, it's been with you longer than you realize. You can make excuses and you can blame everyone and everything but that still doesn't resolve your problems, for you need to take responsibility. “Why?” you might ask, because you choose not to do anything about it and instead chose to blame yourself and everyone around you who you care and love. You’ve been doing this and continue to do it until you decide to take a good look at yourself and find out who and what you are. Look in the mirror and face the person you are meeting for the very first time. Let that person know exactly how you feel, what hurts you, what angers you, what upsets you. Let the tears go down your face; share your tears and the frustration that you feel.

Allow yourself to be courageous by facing the mirror. Wake up and realize that you are special and you are worth it. Stop punishing yourself. Start believing in you; it’s not about the world or the people you need to believe in, it's about you. Believe in yourself by finding your truth not anyone else’s truth. Give yourself a chance to see the true you and stop running away; stop being afraid. JUST FACE IT!

WHAT HAPPENED TO COMMUNICATION?

Why are we all of a sudden surprised about what happened in Paris? I don’t get it at all, really. Everyone says, "wake up, people" but we have been telling you to wake up so what planet have you been on? Tragedies happen all the time and you are just realizing it now? You’re the one that really needs to wake up. Tragedies happen all around the world; there are bodies on the ground and people killing each other and children, it's called war. People in poor countries are dying everyday and suffering all the time. Paris is just another tragedy with innocent people dying and for what? For being in the wrong place at the wrong time? So that these savages could make a point of what?

The answer to all of this lies in these questions: When will it stop? When do we realize that the killing is not the answer and hurting one another is not the solution either? You want to make a point then stand up on your own and make it, that is courage. Having to kill to get your word across is being a coward; you’re not a leader, you’re a prick. That goes to all of the leaders in the world who think that killing is the answer. That’s why it is easy to kill innocent children and people because look at where they are learning it from.

You have these kids in this country who think it is cool and it’s all right to kill when they see that occurring out in the world. What messages are we giving our own children who want to become powerful leaders? Are we telling them that we need to kill in order to succeed? The governments that run their countries are supposed to be smart. I guess there are not as we can see. That also goes to the ENEMY; you must not be so smart because you are telling your people to die for GOD. Really? What kind of GOD do you have because somewhere along the way someone has lied to you and you believed it. Your God, you use it as an excuse to do what you NEED TO DO WHICH IS TO KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE and you think that is all right? BE MAN ENOUGH TO SAY IT TO THE WORLD.

 

I DON’T APPROVE OF WHAT YOUR COUNTRY IS DOING TO MY COUNTRY. LET IT BE KNOWN. FIGHT BACK WITH WORDS NOT VIOLENCE. THEN AGAIN, THE ONLY WORDS THE WORLD KNOWS IS "KILL" AND "WAR!" PARENTS TEACH THEIR CHILDREN TO FIX THEIR PROBLEMS BY COMMUNICATING. WHAT HAPPENS TO THOSE CHILDREN WHEN THEY RUN OUR COUNTRIES? THEY LEARN A DIFFERENT WAY TO COMMUNICATE WHICH IS WAR AND KILL. THEY ALL GROW UP TO LET THE NEGATIVE TAKE OVER OR BETTER YET, POKE IT OUT WITH EACH OTHER. BUT THEN AGAIN, ISIS MIGHT PUT GOD TO FIGHT FOR THEM! THE GOD YOU USE IS JUST A COVER UP TO MASK YOUR FACE.

I pray for those that are suffering around the world and for those that have lost their lives in tragedy. Death comes in all forms and it is painful. It's not about who suffers more, it's about the hurt and pain they all feel when they lose the ones they love. That is a horrible feeling! The ones that buried their loved ones are the ones that are left behind to deal with the tragedy. Those that die feel no pain or sadness for they embrace their journey in the after life.

“I HAVE WALKED A THOUSAND MILES”

We have walked on this land centuries and centuries ago.

We have seen the beauty of this land that colors cannot describe it.

As we have walked in this land.

There are those that have destroyed it.

There are those that cannot understand what this land is made of how special it is how blessed it is.

I have walked from century to century as I seen the beauty of this land like I see it for what it is today.

You have no clue at all of what human beings have done to this land

For everything is about money

I have walked thousands and thousands of miles and seen my land be destroyed

 

We have suffered a great deal in our world, something that you may never understand

As I stay in this land to protect what we can, there are those that are still trying to destroy it 

The birds in the clouds fly feeling the air but still the stars are being destroyed  

We have always come in peace, the white man all they want is to take our land away from us as they have

We have been torn apart in so many ways that again you will not be able to understand how we felt seeing death all over in our land

 

As you lay down and focus on the stars to build your energies many of us have done before you, we have respected the earth as we respect the stars and the moon.

I come here to see those that can make connections with us so I can tell a story so I can let them know that they have lost sight within their lives for what’s really important

Right here right now is what matters.

The freedom to lay down,

The freedom to look at the stars

The freedom to breathe

The freedom of will, power those are so free and we don’t need those words

I have walked thousands of miles to be where I’m at and I can’t leave this land because it is my home and I am here to protect it to those that want to destroy it

 

The earth is precious as the land is precious, the grass is precious.  The precious land that carry the color of beauty, which you forget how to look at it. 

 The trees are precious, everything you see around you is precious and if you can see and feel these things around you that are precious then that also says that you are precious because we come from the land and we go back to the land it’s not the womb that we come from but it’s from the earth that has brought us it is the choices that we have made to come to this earth to connect with the earth but we choose to connect with things that serves no purpose to us.

 

I say to you open your eyes, see the beauty that is right in front of you, embrace it and hold it for it’s free, breathe the air, smell the air for it’s free

As I look upon the stars and I see the sadness of death of those that have past away, have never known the meaning of the stars, just like they don’t know the meaning of the moon

We worry so much about the world that we forget about our land and the beauty that it has to give us

 

We spit on it, we dirty it and we spoiled it by putting chemicals, where the trash carries the smell of death not knowing if you’re going to be next to one.  When one is ignorant it shows that they have not learned and for those that are awakened shows that you can learn and grow.  

The only things that you should fear is yourself the moment you give it to the world it will swallow you the same way our land was swallowed away.  They took everything that we had and it destroyed us.  Our wives, our sons, our daughters our grandparents, our mothers and fathers.

 

We lived in peace for so many years and so much centuries until they came to take our land away.

They didn’t take it for food or for gold, that’s not why they took our land.

They took our land because they discovered that we knew that a god existed.

A god that came from the sky and came and taught us and gave us lessons.

When they realized that, that’s when they started punishing us and killing us as well as our children and In time we tried to fight back they made us drink until we became drunks and no one was able to believe our stories but laugh at us and criticize and spit on us.

When it happened to us we were destroyed we didn’t know where to go we didn’t know what we could do to make ourselves better.

 

They wanted us to believe in their god, but many of us couldn’t because we saw the god from the sky and they taught us that the earth is gold that the earth has blessings

That the earth will feed you

That the earth will take care of you

As the trees will cover you from the rain and from the snow and from the cold

As the grass will grow to bring you comfort as you lay down on the grass.

As you touch the water and cleanse yourself and jump up for joy knowing that, that cleansing is making you feel good within your body, within your skin

I have walked thousands and thousands of miles and no one would ever know how much we suffered and in your world you still feed them.

They still hold control of you and you all allowed it

They kill in front of your faces

They steal in front of your faces and you still believe and you still listen just like we did

They destroyed us little by little and they succeeded

Where I have held my children in my hands and seen the blood floating from their head

As I have seen so many children in this world still suffering and you look upon yourselves and you see all you got, but it is not enough.

 

How do you hold a child that blood is draining, coming out of their body as the body sticks to your hands and to your clothes how do you say goodbye to your children

To your grandchildren because people have become greedy and selfish within their lives, the world has not changed it’s still the same it’s just the stories are different but they end the same

 

This is my land; this is where I come to see the waters how it flows how it goes and still is not the same as it was back then water is dark and full of sadness.

I look around me and see there are so many trees missing

How much they have destroyed and they continue to destroy

 

As you lay here looking at the stars building energy and hoping that the energy that you gain will enlighten you to your light to see what’s around you

It’s funny how people talk about our tribes and how many different stories the world tells, but they never tell the truth

It wasn’t us that cut scalps, it was the white man who did that to us and to our children because they felt that they have accomplished and succeeded in killing us, “the savages”, they called us.  They took our women and put them to be whores and our children to be slaves.

I have nothing to show for it, nor does the rest of my tribe

But that spirit of the sky will return and it will set us free

You have the power that we did not have for we lived very simple

And your tribes know more then what we did

Fight back in this world don’t allow them take away from you

From you, from your children, your grandchildren

I have walked a thousand miles to get here and there is nothing for me to show you

Every time I awaken I see the scenery changing more and more and I am disappearing

I have been here too long but I can’t let go, but as everything is disappearing I know my time will come to disappear too, as my tribe surrounds me I see them further and further away.

 

Enlightment, I want to thank you for allowing my message to go through, so they can understand the suffering my people have suffered.  I have walked thousands and thousands of miles to be here and bury my children as I have carried them to the land to bury them so that their spirits can go in peace and come back again, just like you have come back.  I have missed you and I hope that as I fade away that I will see you again.

 

The land cries

The water cries

The tree cries and I cry. Look upon the stars and take what you can and learn from them for they are always messages in the stars and in the moon as we have done in our century.

I have walked a thousand miles to be where I am at today and I walk a thousand miles back to rest my body.  I will send you your gift, embrace it and take the message. Soon I will see you.

I have walked a thousand miles to get where I am at and now I must walk a thousand miles to go back.

It’s time to let go and I know I must for they wait for me to go back home.  So I say not goodbye but as you say I see you soon in our tribe.

The Child That Got Away Part 12 "Ending"

“You need to be strong and believe in yourself. Believe in the Higher Power, the light, and the energy. Hear your spirits, find your gifts for those are your weapons. You have tools that you came with, use them. You’re filled with so much.” -Spirit

“I am still scared now that I am alone and you’re leaving me. Even though I have all of this it doesn’t make me feel any better.” -Teenager

 

 

“We all have to start somewhere, everyone has to. Please take care of yourself and try to be patient with yourself. Patience is the key. Always know your limitations. Don’t be something that you’re not, try not to lie. Be responsible, good, and humble. Don’t judge others until you learn how to judge yourself. We are not here for that.

 

 

Please don’t cry.” -Spirit

 

 

“I can’t help it. I am shaking so much, I can’t control my tears. The last time I cried like this was when my mother didn’t want any part of me; when I realized she doesn’t love me and left me, just as you’re doing to me.” -Teenager

 

 

“I am not leaving you. I am just going away so that I can also fulfill my journey. We can’t be selfish either, right?” -Spirit  

 

 

Yes, you’re right. I’m sorry.” -Teenager

 

 

“It’s okay, kid. Be safe, goodbye.” -Spirit

 

 

“Goodbye, I wish you the best.” -Teenager

 

 

“As I do you.” -Spirit

 

 

“Go back to where you belong, go.” -Teenager

 

 

“I felt safe where I was and I didn’t really want to leave. It was time. As much as I fought myself I knew that it wouldn’t make a difference. I had to make a choice. Do I stay or finish what I need to fulfill? So I asked to come back down and face this world. Hopefully I can make it this time and not be known as the child that got away but the child that stayed. Soon I’ll be ready to be born. I hope I don’t forget it all. I ask that I can be shown a light or a word, something that could remind me of my journey.

 

They’re calling me. I need to leave, I am ready to be born. It’s a rainy day and the sky is so cloudy and dark. I hope the reason for this rain is to take away negativity before my entry, HA. I have two minutes left. I would like to leave you with something. Sometimes things are hard and shit happens. Don’t run away, deal with your surroundings. Make it better so you can be happy. Continue following your journey as I hope I will also. I hope that we left you with something to think about. Who knows maybe someday we will meet. I leave you with THE CHILD THAT GOT AWAY.” -Teenager

 

The end. 

The Child that Got Away Part 11

“Adults have a way of speaking to kids; I know they have a cruel way of expressing themselves. They keep their rage and let it out on us. They speak like that because they are hurting within themselves so they find a way to hurt innocent people and children. You go through difficulties being a teenager, just don’t be too hard on yourself. I don’t know what else to say to you to convince you to come back. You’re the one that needs to make that choice. Think about the things I shared with you and see if you can remember, that will help a lot. It’s time for me to go now. I did what I needed to do, there is no reason for me to stay.” -Spirit

“Wait, does that mean I won’t ever see you again?” -Teenager

“Saying never is impossible because I will see you again, not in this lifetime but maybe in another.” -Spirit

“I don’t want you to leave, not yet.” -Teenager

“I have to, I did what I needed to do. My journey has ended and I must return home.” -Spirit

“What about me?” -Teenager

“Well, that is up to you and only you.” -Spirit

“What does that mean?” -Teenager

“What I mean is that you need to find your way and decide if you want to grow and learn or stay angry for the rest of your life. We all reach a point where we need to decide what we are going to do with our lives.” -Spirit

“I am afraid.” -Teenager

“I understand, we are all afraid of taking chances and getting to know ourselves and dealing with this world. You need to be strong within and allow yourself to hear the words of wisdom and knowledge that you brought with you.” -Spirit

“Can you stay longer?” -Teenager

“No, I can’t.” -Spirit

“Please, give me more time.” -Teenager

“I am sorry but I can’t, my time is running out. You must face things on your own. You will find out who you are able to trust and who you can’t. Everything comes with a lesson, that is how we learn. I gave you lessons, let that open your door and the rest you have to do it on your own. I still will be with you in spirit. Don’t give up and fight back in a positive way. Show yourself you have it in you to stand up and face what you need to face. Conquer it and keep going on until your last breath on this earth. Fulfill your journey and enjoy your life. Be happy, find love and peace. Share with others what you have learned in your lessons so in return they can teach you too as they share their lessons with you. It might be negative and it might be positive. Whatever it is, it will be all right because everything will connect.” -Spirit

“I am sorry, I never meant the things I said to you. I know you were just trying to help me and I didn’t respond to you at all. I realize now that I can trust you and I can believe in the things you shared with me. I am so sorry that I see it too late. Knowing that you’re leaving me hurts. You’ve been so kind to me and took the time to teach me many things. You helped me realize the pain and hurt I carry within me. I never had anyone care for me the way you have.” -Teenager

“That is not true, you do.” -Spirit

“Who?” -Teenager

“You. You need to learn how to take care of yourself and learn how to love yourself. Remember this, you have the power and courage to make a difference in your life by following your path. Never allow anyone to take you away from that. Many will try to make you feel something is wrong with you or say you’re crazy.” -Spirit

To be continued… 

 

The Child that Got Away Part 10

“You cannot blame anybody for your choices because as you continue to grow up you'll know what is right and wrong. If you take no responsibility you are showing that you are still a child in an adult’s body. Never ever demand respect because you won’t get it if you still have that child inside that adult. The most important thing of all is to become the person that is waiting to be shown and to be able to fulfill your purpose on this earth because everyone has a purpose.

 

You have the power to make a difference if you choose to. You do this by taking back your power, being in control, learning how to laugh, to be happy, and to be joyful. It's not impossible, it's there, it's up to you to make it happen. No one can make those things happen for you, you have to make it happen for yourself. Don't expect someone to give it to you. We must learn to be free and that's what we are achieving to become free and independent. We have to take responsibility for ourselves when we screw up.

 

 

We can’t continue to blame everyone and everything for our own actions and decisions, everything has a cause and effect. I leave you with this, nothing is easy. We can’t continue feeling sorry for ourselves and keep repeating the same mistakes. People get tired of hearing the same story over and over. But when people listen to your story they also want to hear the solution and the ending of it. Hopefully, it will be a positive ending. People get tired of being used. Before you know it you’ll find yourself alone and that will be sad and lonely. We need someone to care and to love. We need to feel important and special but you must give it to yourself first before someone can give it to you.

 

 

You have every right to feel anger, frustration, betrayal, abandonment, pain, and hate but don’t destroy your purpose in this life because of these words and what they represent. Allow yourself to be happy, to learn how to be happy, to learn how to solve your problems, and to learn how to become a better human being within yourself. Don't fall for the negativity.” -Spirit


To be continued… 

The Child that Got Away Part 9

“There are also mothers that are scared of their own children. There are mothers that don’t know how to love or care for their children. There are mothers who just care about themselves. There are mothers that are lost.  There are mothers that put more importance on a man than their own child. There are mothers who love money and their career.

They think they’re getting away with something and they’re not. They are running away from their responsibilities. Some mothers give birth for the wrong reasons, whether to keep a man or because they feel that their biological clock is ticking. They bring children into a world full of addicts and alcoholics. There are mothers that are afraid and weak because they have gone through a lot. It’s sad and these children suffer as they grow up and deal with life. There are mothers that adopt these children just for the money, it’s so pitiful. Society tells you to be the person they want you to be. It’s all about money and power and having the American dream and everyone fights to have it.” -Spirit

“History has shown us about power and money but the only history I want to know is mine. I don’t care what happened before I came into this earth.” -Teenager

“During that time people had to deal with their issues and it’s no different now. All history has done is repeat itself just as people keep repeating the same mistakes. No one has learned anything from history that’s why we keep repeating it from lifetime to lifetime.” -Spirit

“Nothing has changed. Again, why are you telling me this? What is all of this suppose to do for me? You get me more angry, you keep making so many excuses for the people here on earth. That’s why they get away with so many things because no one wants to see the truth and they keep getting screwed.” -Teenager

“That’s why they keep coming back because they haven’t gotten it.” -Spirit

“Well, does that mean that my mother is definitely coming back for sure?” -Teenager

“Yes, she is for sure. That is what I’ve been trying to tell you. You need to follow your journey.” -Spirit  

“That is not fair at all. The more I hear, the more I dislike you.” -Teenager

“You are ready to hear the truth and I will continue to tell you the truth. Do you want to hear the truth or do you just want to hear a lie?” -Spirit

“I want to hear it but there is a side of me that wishes you would lie.” -Teenager

"When we don’t deal with the pain and hurt in this lifetime and we try to run away or consume ourselves with things that we shouldn’t, all it does is stop you from learning and growing and seeing things for what they are especially when it comes to yourself. We all hurt one way or another and we all go through tribulations in this world but some suffer more than others.” -Spirit

“Why?” -Teenager

“Because many will suffer in this world and some are born into suffering, it is what it is. What you do with all that pain is up to you. Don’t get me wrong, no one comes here to get raped, killed, mistreated, or go through horrible things. That is the world that we live in and sadly there are many cruel, sick people on this world. Everyone thinks that if you are born rich or become rich that, that would be the answer for happiness and peace. It is not because they also suffer as we do, no one is invincible.  If you want to continue to live in misery, suffering, pain, and anger that is up to you. Remember, you do have a choice but if you pick the suffering and misery than you need to take full responsibility for that because that is what you choose instead of getting some kind of help. You should never ever give up on yourself.” -Spirit


To be continued… 

The Child that Got Away Part 8

“The only way that I can help you remember is for me to continue speaking to you.” -Spirit

“Stop confusing me, that’s all you do.” -Teenager

“I am not trying to confuse you. I just want you to realize where you are and where you really need to be.” -Spirit

“Why? Why haven’t you left yet?” -Teenager

“Because I am here to help you.” -Spirit

“You’re not helping me at all.” -Teenager

“That is because you don’t want to hear anything. You feel safe and sound with where you are right now.” -Spirit

“Yes, I do and I don’t want to be bothered anymore.” -Teenager

“But you’re not dealing with your issues or helping yourself by staying here. You won’t grow or learn.” -Spirit

“That is ok with me. I feel fine and I like being here. Just leave and leave me alone and go back to where you came from. How about that?” -Teenager

“Your mother came to see you to tell you she had a boyfriend.” -Spirit

“Did you ask her when she will be taking me back?” -Teenager

“Your mother told you to hang in there. She said that in two more years you’ll be 18 and you can leave this place and live your life.” -Spirit

“You want me to go back to what really? Is that supposed to make me happy and yell out for joy? Just stop. Stop. No more. I can’t take no more of this. Just let me go. I’ve been raped by strangers, by the world, and by my own mother. You still want me to forgive them? It’s too painful for just one person to deal with. I am not as strong as you think I am. Damn it, understand that I am just a kid not an adult.” -Teenager

“I really do understand.” -Spirit

“No you don’t. Stop telling me you understand because you have no idea.” -Teenager

“Tragedy happens and it’s painful, hurtful, and dramatic. Many of these tragedies are out of our control. You can’t take it and make it worse neither and use it as an excuse to make everything in your life negative.” -Spirit

“How can you take a tragedy and make it positive? Really? What is your problem? Are we supposed to jump up and say, 'hey it’s ok if people fuck us up! Shit, just turn it into positive?' Just like that? Yeah right.” -Teenager

“No, I am not saying that. What I am saying is that shit happens but we all should find ways to deal with the pain and our anguish. We should find ways to learn how to let go so that we don’t become prisoners in our own lives. We will miss out on so much of this life that was given to us. We should not allow that to happen. We must pick ourselves up and continue to go forward and make something out of ourselves. This system and the people in it will always test you and take things away from you but you have to learn to be ahead of it. That way you’ll see that you’re still in control. Don’t hide from the truth. No one said it’s easy but we have to confront our pain and hurt.” -Spirit

“There is nothing waiting for me but misery. You know that and I know that. Again, I am not as strong as you think I am.” -Teenager

“Yes, you are.” -Spirit

“No, I am not. My mother didn’t even come to see me, not even once.” -Teenager

“What are you talking about? I told you she comes by.” -Spirit

“Well, I didn’t see her.” -Teenager

“Ask yourself why.” -Spirit

“Here you go again with your riddles. Just be straight out and say it.” -Teenager

“No, you need to see it for yourself and realize it on your own. All mothers are different, they all react differently.” -Spirit

“No shit. You’re not helping me here at all, you’re just making it worse. There is no excuse for any mother to be the way they are. Why become a mother if you’re not ready to be one?” -Teenager

“Hear me out please. Things are complicated in the world as it is especially for mothers and fathers. There are many parents that don’t really know what kind of parents they are going to be.” -Spirit

“That is no excuse. Why are you protecting their actions?” -Teenager

“I am not. I am just saying that everyone has a story to tell.” -Spirit

“So do we, I am not excusing anyone. Look, I just don’t care. To me, there is no excuse.” -Teenager

“You need to understand why there are mothers that make mistakes. They are mothers that cover their children’s secrets for the wrong reasons. They lie for them.” -Spirit

To be continued… 

The Child that Got Away Part 7

“These people really think they have the answers but they don’t. Many of them get fed up with their jobs. They get tired because they have to follow rules that are given to them and some of these rules stink and are ridiculous. If you’re not a genius or a gifted child no one wants to hear what you have to say. People consider children who live on the streets to be stupid or worse, trash. They have nothing to say or choose not to waste their time on kids like us. Kids like us who are not educated or have issues. The first thing they want to do is give us some kind of medicine to hold our emotions. Don’t get me wrong, some kids need it but many don’t. Just leave me alone.” -Teenager

“I can’t. I won’t give up on you. I told you, you’re special. You have a purpose.” -Spirit

“Well, go and find another special one that has a purpose because this one isn’t going anywhere. Just leave me alone and let me be who I am.” -Teenager

“What you don’t understand is that you’re not this person. This person who wears a mask to cover her true self so that you can hide. Why are you crying?” -Spirit

“Because I don’t want to hear anymore. I hate this system and the people in it. I hate what it stands for and I especially hate my mother and father who turned their backs on me and left me like I was a piece of trash. They chose to close their eyes to what is happening!! NO ONE CARES! CAN YOU HEAR ME? NO ONE CARES! I wish I didn’t know the things I do, it serves no purpose. Why do I have to have this information? Why couldn’t I be dumb like everyone else and not care? Why couldn’t I close my eyes like everyone else has? I don’t want to care about where I end up, or if I end up in jail or dead, the hell with this.” -Teenager

“These kids are in pain and probably worse than you. That is why kids get high and hurt each other. They are human beings feeling depressed and suicidal, that is how they let go of their pain. Sadly, only to repeat it over and over again. They don’t know where to put these feelings. They take it out on people they care about or strangers. That’s not what you want to be. Don’t get me wrong, these are good caring kids but it’s hard for them to show it and they are also frightened too severely.” -Spirit  

“Then go with them and help them.” -Teenager

“Right now none of them are here with me. You are.” -Spirit  

“You’re too much. Tell me something I don’t know. How about I give you a chance?” -Teenager

“The reason I am here is because I need to make things right. Plus your spirits asked me to help you so that you could find your way back, back to where you belong.” -Spirit

“What are you talking about? I don’t understand you.” -Teenager

“You need to realize that for yourself, I can’t tell you.” -Spirit

“You can’t tell me? You tell me everything else, why not that?” -Teenager

“Listen, you need to realize it. We are trying to bring you back.” -Spirit

“To what? What are you saying?” -Teenager

“You are fighting us and choosing to stay away.” -Spirit

“What are you talking about? I am right here. They are the ones that are staying away from me. Why don’t you see that?” -Teenager

“I see you. Now I want you to see what is there.” -Spirit

“I don’t understand you. You’re getting me angry. Just tell me and stop talking to me in riddles. Just say it.” -Teenager

“If I tell you then it serves no purpose. You’re the one that has to find the answers. Just relax, relax.” -Spirit

“You are not giving me time to relax, you keep pushing me.” -Teenager

“I am sorry. I just want you to find what you are looking for.” -Spirit  

“I did find what I was looking for that’s why I chose to stay where I am.” -Teenager

“You have no idea what you are saying.” -Spirit  

“Yes I do. Stop trying to make me see what you want me to see.” -Teenager

“Do you have any idea how many kids are depending on you?” -Spirit

“No and I don’t care. Now, can you leave me alone and let me enjoy myself? I have so much to do here. Bye.” -Teenager

“Why are you so hardheaded? Why do you make things difficult? How can you not see what’s in front of you? Do you know how many kids wish they had your gift so that they could see things in this world?” -Spirit

“You call this a gift? Really? I call it hell, to me this is punishment. Look at where I am.” -Teenager

“Please get it together here. Why do you see everything as negative?” -Spirit

“Why, you ask? Can’t you just see or are you blind and I just didn’t know? You haven’t seen anything. You keep asking me to look. What the hell am I supposed to be looking at? You haven’t seen my life. Is this a joke to you?” -Teenager  

“No, it’s not a joke at all. Just be quiet for a second and listen. Please, you must come back.” -Spirit

“Back from where? I am right here. Hello!” -Teenager

“You don’t remember?” -Spirit

“No I don’t. What is there to remember?” -Teenager  


To be continued…